Theresa Falls Up the Stairs. Theresa Falls Down the Stairs: Boone Bombers Season Preview
A Brief History
Boone Bombers joined the Defectors in 2010. With a core of mashers including Joey Votto, Alex Rodriguez, Josh Hamilton, and the Swish Dawg (at the height of his bro-down powers) the future was looking like a fun, sexy time. Boone just missed the playoffs in 2011, finishing 10th in points despite rostering only four starting pitchers for much of the year. Since then, he’s averaged about 74 wins per season while stockpiling young talent on both his major league and minor league rosters.
2014 was a Murphy’s Law type year for the Bombers offense. A-Rod was suspended, Josh Hamilton forgot how to get a hit but remembered how to take a hit, Swish Dawg’s knees imploded because one cannot sustain oneself on Mountain Dew and Doritos Locos Tacos alone, and Votto was alternately injured and in his own head. Inconsistent starting pitching and additional injuries made it a season to forget as Boone tallied 72 wins and a bottom five point total.
Top ML Hitters for 2015
With A-Rod purged from the roster and Hamilton cooling his heels in the minors, Kyle Seager leads this offense in 2015. Otherwise known as the one that got away from Shup, Seager has thrown down three consecutive legit seasons to begin his big league career and will continue to be very productive in an *gasp* attractive Seattle Mariners lineup.
Boone made the most of his two lotto picks this offseason, picking up the always reliable Alex Gordon as well as the other, other budding star Marlins outfielder, Marcell Ozuna. Ozuna showed great power in his first full major league season and threw out ALL the Mets.
The most intriguing member of this offense, however, is the artist known as @yungjoc650. The baby-faced assassin did some things in the ABQ last season would make Walter White and Heisenberg blush. With Matt Kemp jettisoned out of town, Joc will get all the playing time he can handle. He’s going to hit. He’s going to run. He’s going to make panties drop. Vin Scully will be pleased.
Top ML Pitchers for 2015
Sonny Gray’s performance in the 2013 playoffs against Detroit served as a warning to the American League. His encore during last year’s regular season established him as the unquestioned ace of the A’s staff and vaulted him into the Top 5 Sonnys of all time conversation…a dubious honor, to be sure:
Blue Jays opening day starter Drew Hutchison will co-anchor Boone’s pitching staff while Mat Latos will look to bounce back after an injury plagued 2014 season.
Two Prospects for the future
Boone cornered the market on Seagers early (though Justin is still available!). Corey Seager spent 2014 thrashing the baseball across two levels (A+, AA). His big league ETA is probably 2016 but Juan Uribe’s gypsy magic has to run out at some point, right?
Jose Berrios put together a tremendous season in 2014 and earned the start for the Futures Game. He throws easy cheese out of his smallish 6 foot frame and features a foolish changeup. While there are some arms ahead of him in the Twins depth chart, few have his upside. If/when Tommy Milone and Ricky Nolasco falter we could see Berrios get a crack at the big league rotation.
Minor Leaguer who could make a difference in 2015
SWISH DAWG! Kidding. Hamilton would be a decent choice here but there is a lot of uncertainty regarding his status for the 2015 season. I’m going to go with Rubby De La Rosa. Acquired by Arizona in the deal that sent Wade Miley to the Red Sox this offseason, De La Rosa has parlayed a solid spring into a spot in the D-Backs rotation.
Projected Record
The offense is stacked but the pitching staff gets pretty thin beyond Gray, Hutchison, Latos, and Matt Garza. Joc Pederson hits 30 home runs and impregnates 30 starlets. Bombers napalms their way to an 81-81 record and is solidly in the mix for the points WC.
