What'd You Say, Crap Face? 2015 Hambino Preview
The Way We Was
Back when most of the Defectors were either still soiling diapers, rocking fresh OshKosh B'gosh jean overalls or spending every waking hour avoiding girls at all costs, one man was collecting fantasy baseball scalps. (On top of faxing results to all his awesome to the max, 80s-guy leaguemates and wasting time reading publications featuring images of a fully-clothed Jose Canseco.)
mm, that's more like it
Born on a sandy patch of land somewhat resembling a diamond in shape sometime between the presidencies of Calvin Coolidge and Richard Nixon, Ham went astray at an early-ish age, falling truly madly deeply for the upper deck blasts and bespectacled doe eyes of Reggie Jackson and the late-'70s Yankees. He would go on to draft pitchers in the first round before this was a trendy counter-culture move, as well as ignore competitors' midnight phone calls attempting to pry late-round steals such as Ramon Martinez. The greatest triumph of his career, however, was leaving the damn house in the name of fantasy sports.
actual photo from the 1988 draft party
Big League Chew
Ham has decidedly been a shark rather than a sheep in his short time as a Defector, precociously making a trade during the Replacement draft and five more over the following two weeks. Through shrewd maneuvering, he now owns four of the top 13 point-getting hitters from the 2014 season (Brantley, Altuve, Rendon, Kinsler) as well as three 600+ point pitchers (Teheran, Hamels, Tyson Ross). With Howie Kendrick idling on the bench as the #3 2B option (fourth if Rendon weren't starting at 3B), this is a lineup that is going to win series by itself all summer. Moreover, the roster flexibility created by Carlos Santana (C/1B/3B), Rendon and Brandon Moss (1B/OF) will allow this offense to platoon like in a Billy Beane fever dream.
The pitching thins out a bit after the Big Three but the presence of two closers (Papelsmear and Perkins) and the upside of guys like House, Hammel and Ryu--if his shoulder quits barking--should ensure consistent point accumulation. His aggressive nature during the first 24 hours of free agency may portend canny in-season acquisitions to bolster further this group.
Betting (on) the Farm
Ham took extreme high-upside prospects with four of his first five Replacement-Minors draft picks (Correa, Giolito, Bundy [later traded in the deal netting Carlos Santana], Gray). For reference, BA recently ranked those players 4th, 7th, 48th and 24th respectively. He also managed to snag Austin Meadows (41), Henry Owens (44), Sean Manaea (81), Braden Shipley (26) and C.J. Edwards (38). Oh, did I not already mention that he took Yoan Moncada 1.2 in the Lotto draft? Well, he did. If even a fraction of these guys lives up to their potential, we're looking at a team that will soon be faced with the fantasy baseball equivalent of the Paradox of Choice.
For all his bellyaching over Otto's initial decision to shelter Omar Infante in his minors, the currently-17-strong Hambino minors is not without its share of veterans ready to contribute at a moment's notice. Curtis Granderson (34; 5698 PA) may yet solve Citi Field's unforgiving "Mo's Zone" and break out of last year's Three True Outcomes rut. Rafael Soriano (35; 630.2 IP) is currently homeless, but in talks with several clubs (according to his representation), saved 32 games last season and had a sub-2 ERA before the wheels came off after August 17's BSV against Pittsburgh. Travis d'Arnaud could leave his slow spring in Florida and return the same value he offered following his 17-day stint at AAA-Las Vegas last June. Oswaldo Arcia is as useless in left field as tits on a bull, but he is equally strong and mashed 20 HR in 370 AB last season as a 22-year-old.
Prediction
The trifecta of an aggressive approach to improving his team, acquiring a raft of players who can help his team this season and into the future, and the unfortunate truth that Yankee-fan managers do pretty damn well in this league leads me to believe that Hambino will be the first expansion manager to make the playoffs since all the way back in 2013 (LongBallers). If things break right, he will likely be fighting with Catz and Birds (and Bears, oh my!) for third place in the Harris Division. If Lady Luck isn't on his side he may have the points wild card wrapped up by mid-August and be an extremely difficult out for whoever wins the Founders Trophy.
